Ambulance

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Finally, as we progress through a man’s life we get into senility. And this is a story of when I was a captain in the tactical division. And we had an incident where there was a guy approximately 86, 87 years old. His wife was about the same age. She would call for an ambulance because she was in poor health. She felt badly. The ambulance would always come and because of her age, she had trouble breathing. They would bring her to the hospital. The hospital would look at her. They couldn’t do a whole lot, and they wouldn’t admit her. And the man would get a bill for the ambulance drive later on, pretty expensive.

He didn’t like that. He didn’t like this routine. He got tired of it. Well, slow learner, confusion, stupidity, bad judgement, now old age, some senility is setting in and he decides he doesn’t want to go to the hospital in that ambulance anymore; it’s a pretty expensive taxicab. Instead of putting his foot down about it though, he decided to pull a pistol and started waving it at the ambulance drivers.

Time marches on. They call the police, the police show up, and the gentleman decides it would be a good idea to make everybody leave by firing a few shots at them. The police frowned on that; so did the ambulance drivers. They call for the tactical division. We came out and surrounded the house. And I’ll tell you what, it was one of the longest PB’s we ever had. We were out there approximately 24 hours because nobody wanted to be in the position of basically neutralizing an 87-year-old individual in his old house whose biggest complaint right now is with the ambulance bill he’s getting.

So we negotiate and we negotiate, and we thought the man would eventually go to sleep and we’d go in there. I guess he was an insomniac also. We were getting very tired. He stayed inside wide awake and wore out four negotiators, this 86, 87-year-old gentleman, four negotiators.

Sitting back on this — I’ve had this theory my whole life. About 24 hours into the incident I decided, you know what I┬ámissed, I missed my theory. See, this is a man we’re talking to and all four negotiators are men. The whole night the thing we heard in the background was the droning of his wife saying, “Please let the ambulance come. Please let the ambulance take me. Please let the ambulance take me.” It finally dawned on us — or on me is that the key to this issue was: Women are infinitely smarter than men. Let’s get a female police officer in here to talk to this guy on the phone. 15 minutes later he walks out of the house because she’s told him the Sunshine van is going to come take him and his wife to the hospital.

You ladies are infinitely smarter than us. And gentlemen, I leave you with the theory of we really need to be careful and think about thinning the herd to upgrade the gene pool because the women are going to take over. There’s no two ways about it; they’re smarter than us. We’ve been in charge way too long.

But while I’m up here I want to say this one thing in closing. I’m very honored to be here with this group this evening, and the main reason why I feel honored is this group in particular exhibits several traits that I admire. One is integrity. I find that very inspiring. Second is talent of course. Everyone up here is quite talented. But the third ingredient to anybody that’s successful, and I think it’s the most important is persistence. And some people call it experience. That’s part of it, but it’s persistence. I think everyone up here has had a whole series of probably ups and downs in their lives and careers, every speaker. And it’s not the talent that got them through, but persistence. They got up every day and kept plugging away at it. And I admire all these individuals. And I think I can say that — because I don’t ever get to say this anyplace else — I think I’m probably the youngest person up here speaking to you this evening. Thank you very much.

(Applause.)

 

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