Man and $5

[page 90, line 12]

JUDGE VANCE: Cheif Kowalski.

JUDGE ELLIS: John, could I interrupt for just one minute to get the record straight?


JUDGE ELLIS: Randy told this story about Tessmer taking all of his girlfriends away from him. Well, all of you don’t know Randy as well as I do. Randy’s most amorous period was when he used to ride a Harley Davidson naked at the Dairy Queen in Lancaster. He had all these young girls around.

My question to Charlie is: What kind of motorcycle were you riding?

MR. TESSMER: I was horsebound.

CHIEF KOWALSKI: Well, it’s a pleasure to be here this evening. I say that a little bit tongue in cheek because any time a lone police officer appears before a roomful of judges and attorneys it’s usually not a good thing for the police officer.

Before I go any further, are there any other law enforcement offers in the room? I know there’s a couple. A couple of doors and exits and we’ll get out of here. Many of y’all are prosecutors still in the room? Raise your hands. Just a small end of the law enforcement end. Okay. How about judges? Current, retired, active judges. Excellent. Defense attorneys. Oh, we get a bunch of those. Plaintiffs’ attorneys. Yeah, as I said — as I was telling you law enforcement guys, it’s a bad day to be in the room. We’re surrounded.

I’ll try and explain a little bit about the difference in the sense of humor, and everybody else has been talking courthouse stories. I don’t have a lot of courthouse stories, and the main reason is because I am a policeman. And I have testified in quite a few of these judges’ courtrooms and before some of these attorneys who were either prosecutors or defense attorneys at the time. And I don’t want to get into swapping stories because if they can play a burn-down, I would be on the losing and thinking back on some of my outstanding courtroom appearances.

I would like to tell you a little bit though, explain the sense of humor that’s different by way of a story. This is an actual call sheet that came out of the Dallas Police Department just a few weeks ago. And the call sheet came out to a bar on lower Greenville Avenue. They were opening up on a Sunday morning, and there was a car still parked in the parking lot. And the bar owner noticed that there was a guy who was passed out drunk half in and half out of the parked car. And he was drunk, and he was naked. And he also had a $5 bill protruding from his buttocks.

Now, if you laughed at that story, just the thought of that, the picture of that, you would be an excellent police officer, because you could maintain your sense of humor. We have a gallows sense of humor; you can keep it. And it’s what really helps you, when you hit those tragic situations in life, to kind of look at the lighter side.

If you laughed at that story¬†and then the first thought that went through your mind was “I wonder who put that money there, and I wonder why,” then you’re probably either an excellent detective or a good prosecutor because you’re sharp, you want to know not only what happened by why, who, what, when it happened, why, now you’re asking all those questions.

If you thought, “Gee, that’s funny; I wonder why and how that happened, and I wonder if that guy is generating his own income,” then you’d probably make an excellent executive of some company or law enforcement agency like the Sheriff or myself because we’re always thinking about how to fund things.

If you think “This story is not funny at all; it’s really sick, and there’s something really wrong with that policeman in the front of the room,” you’re probably either a defense attorney or a plaintiff’s attorney because you don’t find a whole lot of things the police department does funny.


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